Monday, May 22, 2006
Five Ways to Make Moving Go More Smoothly-er Than the Last Eighty Friggin' Times You Did It
One: Plan ahead.
Give yourself at least three days to really work out the logistics of your move. Will you need a truck? How big a one? Will the truck cost money, or can you impose upon a Friend? If it does cost money, can you impose upon a friend for that? Will you be keeping much of your furniture? If not, do you think the new residents will want any of it? What about the gerbils?
Moving is a difficult time, but you can minimize the stress by taking time out to think about and plan your move carefully. You may even want to write some of your ideas down.
Two: Order pizza and buy beer.
It is a well known fact that all strapping young bucks are motivated primarily by the promise of food and/or beer. Sex, too, but you're moving and you don't have time for that. Plus, you're old. Better stick with beer and pizza.
NOTE: It is important to withold the beer and pizza until all heavy and delicate items have been safely relocated.
Three: BOXES (or big green trash bags)
It is difficult to overstate the importance of aquiring receptacles for your various and sundry non-furniture items. It's true that you can leave your clean clothes in the dresser and tape the drawers shut, and you can leave your dirty clothes in the laundry bag, but what about those clothes that are in between? You'll need some sort of box or bag for them. And what about your cds, your movies and your book? You can't just throw those willy nilly into some young buck's truck and hit the road. You'll need a box, man. And don't think it will be easy to get one either. You have to be at the liquor store very early in the morning. You have to catch the manager at Denny's at just the right time in the afternoon, and then you have to carefully inspect the boxes and make sure they don't smell like corned beef hash or anything gross like that, because who wants a collection of beanie babies that smell like corned beef hash?
You may also want to get some newspaper to wrap your breakables in. You can find a lot of these just lying around the neighborhood if you leave early enough in the morning. And you'll have to, if you want to get to the liquor store on time.
Four: Lift with your back, not with your knees.
Do this early on, like when you're lifting one of your bags full of not-too-dirty clothes. With any luck, you'll throw out your back and be forced to lie down on the couch while your troop of food-and-beer powered young men take care of the heavy stuff.
Five: Know where you are going.
Once you've got all of your CRAP loaded into some poor dupes truck, it will be very helpful to have the following information:
Where are you moving to?
Are you welcome there? Is your crap welcome there?
How do you get there?
Do you have a key to the residence?
Once you can satisfactorily answer these questions, it is time to begin your odyssey. Good luck, and happy moving!
Greatest Living American
Giant Brass Balls
Give yourself at least three days to really work out the logistics of your move. Will you need a truck? How big a one? Will the truck cost money, or can you impose upon a Friend? If it does cost money, can you impose upon a friend for that? Will you be keeping much of your furniture? If not, do you think the new residents will want any of it? What about the gerbils?
Moving is a difficult time, but you can minimize the stress by taking time out to think about and plan your move carefully. You may even want to write some of your ideas down.
Two: Order pizza and buy beer.
It is a well known fact that all strapping young bucks are motivated primarily by the promise of food and/or beer. Sex, too, but you're moving and you don't have time for that. Plus, you're old. Better stick with beer and pizza.
NOTE: It is important to withold the beer and pizza until all heavy and delicate items have been safely relocated.
Three: BOXES (or big green trash bags)
It is difficult to overstate the importance of aquiring receptacles for your various and sundry non-furniture items. It's true that you can leave your clean clothes in the dresser and tape the drawers shut, and you can leave your dirty clothes in the laundry bag, but what about those clothes that are in between? You'll need some sort of box or bag for them. And what about your cds, your movies and your book? You can't just throw those willy nilly into some young buck's truck and hit the road. You'll need a box, man. And don't think it will be easy to get one either. You have to be at the liquor store very early in the morning. You have to catch the manager at Denny's at just the right time in the afternoon, and then you have to carefully inspect the boxes and make sure they don't smell like corned beef hash or anything gross like that, because who wants a collection of beanie babies that smell like corned beef hash?
You may also want to get some newspaper to wrap your breakables in. You can find a lot of these just lying around the neighborhood if you leave early enough in the morning. And you'll have to, if you want to get to the liquor store on time.
Four: Lift with your back, not with your knees.
Do this early on, like when you're lifting one of your bags full of not-too-dirty clothes. With any luck, you'll throw out your back and be forced to lie down on the couch while your troop of food-and-beer powered young men take care of the heavy stuff.
Five: Know where you are going.
Once you've got all of your CRAP loaded into some poor dupes truck, it will be very helpful to have the following information:
Where are you moving to?
Are you welcome there? Is your crap welcome there?
How do you get there?
Do you have a key to the residence?
Once you can satisfactorily answer these questions, it is time to begin your odyssey. Good luck, and happy moving!
Greatest Living American
Giant Brass Balls
// posted by Toastedsuzy @ 6:23 AM 
